Archive for the Technology Category

Using an Apple Computer Will Make YOU Gay!

Posted in Society, Technology with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 2, 2009 by thingsthatreallypissmeoff

Here’s irrefutable proof!

See any similarities?

See any similarities?

Definitive test

Definitive test

That’s science. Science says that Apple computers will make you gay. Feel free to buy one, but if you are a dude, you will have the sudden desire to suck cock and listen to Abba. If you are a woman, suddendly you will want to wear flannel and be a lumberjack. If you are already a lumberjack, you are immune to becoming gay, though a real lumberjack would destroy a Mac upon noticing it with his mighty lumberjacking ax!

Just being in the vacinity of an Apple computer can give you HIV. HIV was actually created by bad coding on the behalf of Apple computers. If you don’t want to get AIDS, don’t buy a mac. Additionally, Apple computers are fucking expensive and can rarely match the specs of other machines. When I was getting a laptop last fall, I passed by the Apple computers. It was a dark moment full of vasoline and rainbows. In that dark moment, I noticed that Apple laptops cost about 2k and had slow processors and only about 2gb of ram and an 80gp hard drive. My Windows machine, cost about $700, has 4gb of ram and a 500gb hard drive.

Most importantly, it won’t turn me gay.

Don’t think for a second that Ipods are any better. An Ipod will give you HIV just as quickly as an Ibook. Granted, it will do it in a much more musical way, but it will still give you AIDS and at the end of the day, is musical AIDS any better than regular full blown AIDS?

Conficker is Imaginary and You’re a Dumbass for Being Scared of it!

Posted in Technology with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 1, 2009 by thingsthatreallypissmeoff

In the event that you have been living in a cave somewhere n Pakistan, Conficker is suppose to be a huge internet worm which will destroy something on April Fools Day of 2009, which is today. It was allegedly programmed by spooky German hackers to take over a huge number of machines and DOS something today, or maybe to scam people out of money, or perhaps to report credit card numbers to the Russian mafia.

Nobody knows what Conficker is going to do and thus the hype over Conficker is retarded.

Here’s why nobody should give a shit about Conficker.

First, DOS attacks go on all the time. A DOS from the 9 million computers which Conficker has infected would be nothing compared to what can be inspired by a /b/tard on a typical day. There have been DOS attacks in the past way bigger than what Conficker could be capable of. /b/ took down the Scientology website and kept it down for like a month once. That’s the power weilded by an internet group of epic justice. If Conficker actually hits anything anyone cares about, /b/ will annialate it.

The most heroic people who have ever lived

The most heroic people who have ever lived

 

Second, consider for a second Conficker. What sort of fuckhead would release this “worm”, spend tons of time researching how it was being combatted, improve the worm and the rerelease it over the course of about six months? A fuck head who wants to make money. If Conficker does anything, it will probably spam all of the infected computers with with ads for Russian mail-order bribes and “spyware removal”. This is obnoxious but not sinister, because in order for online ads to work, the computer displaying the ads has to function relatively normally.

Third, if Conficker is going to steal credit card numbers and send them somewhere, only the people who have contracted it and been too fucking stupid to get one of three million Conficker removers will be effected. Those dumbfucks deserve it. If you haven’t noticed the most widely publicised computer terror since y2k, YOU’RE A FUCKING MORON!!!!

Now stop worrying about Conficker and go back to watching internet porn.