Kurt Kobain was a Talentless Fucker, Now He’s a Dead Fucker

Posted in Music, People, Society with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 1, 2009 by thingsthatreallypissmeoff

This is Kurt Cobain.

Utterly talentless

Utterly talentless

He is dead. Let him stay dead. I fucking hate it when I turn on my radio and hear “Smells Like Teen Spirit” or “Rape Me” be droned out by this talentless nutsack. “Smells Like Teen Spirit” sounds like a lobotomized cocaine addict trying to show off on kareoke night at some sleazy bar. It has no lyrical merit at all. It’s just mindless words that occasionally rhyme. If you think think there is any musical talent behind “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, GO DRINK BLEACH!

Kurt Kobain died 15 years ago on April 4. Why is his shit still on the radio? I have a feeling that it only is because he is dead. If Kobain was alive today he would have been forgotten about by now. I propose a new holiday. Anual Kurt Cobain is dead day. On Kurt Cobain is dead day, everyone will go listen to good music and be grateful that Kurt Cobain isn’t around to make new shit.

Conficker is Imaginary and You’re a Dumbass for Being Scared of it!

Posted in Technology with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 1, 2009 by thingsthatreallypissmeoff

In the event that you have been living in a cave somewhere n Pakistan, Conficker is suppose to be a huge internet worm which will destroy something on April Fools Day of 2009, which is today. It was allegedly programmed by spooky German hackers to take over a huge number of machines and DOS something today, or maybe to scam people out of money, or perhaps to report credit card numbers to the Russian mafia.

Nobody knows what Conficker is going to do and thus the hype over Conficker is retarded.

Here’s why nobody should give a shit about Conficker.

First, DOS attacks go on all the time. A DOS from the 9 million computers which Conficker has infected would be nothing compared to what can be inspired by a /b/tard on a typical day. There have been DOS attacks in the past way bigger than what Conficker could be capable of. /b/ took down the Scientology website and kept it down for like a month once. That’s the power weilded by an internet group of epic justice. If Conficker actually hits anything anyone cares about, /b/ will annialate it.

The most heroic people who have ever lived

The most heroic people who have ever lived


Second, consider for a second Conficker. What sort of fuckhead would release this “worm”, spend tons of time researching how it was being combatted, improve the worm and the rerelease it over the course of about six months? A fuck head who wants to make money. If Conficker does anything, it will probably spam all of the infected computers with with ads for Russian mail-order bribes and “spyware removal”. This is obnoxious but not sinister, because in order for online ads to work, the computer displaying the ads has to function relatively normally.

Third, if Conficker is going to steal credit card numbers and send them somewhere, only the people who have contracted it and been too fucking stupid to get one of three million Conficker removers will be effected. Those dumbfucks deserve it. If you haven’t noticed the most widely publicised computer terror since y2k, YOU’RE A FUCKING MORON!!!!

Now stop worrying about Conficker and go back to watching internet porn.

Can We Nuke Pakistan Now?

Posted in People, Places, Politics, Society with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2009 by thingsthatreallypissmeoff

Today some western news agencies recieved a phone call from a Taliban leader named Baitullah Mehsud in Pakistan. He said that he was going to launch an attack on the US which would “amaze everyone in the world”. He then swore alliance with the Taliban in Afganistan. Terrorists are making phone calls to taunt us and threaten us and giving away their location in the process. This brings me to my next question.

Can we nuke Pakistan now? How about Afganistan? 

What stops us from tracing the phone call and stuffing a thermonuclear suprise up Baitullah Mehsud’s ass? It’s called a nuclear deterent for a reason, why don’t we actually use it to deter someone? I have a hard time imagining that any other terrorists would want to attack us after seeing that our counter-attack consists of vaporizing everything they’ve ever known or loved in a huge nuclear fireball. We have the worlds largest thermonuclear arsenal and we should act like it.

It is senseless for us to send in our soldiers to fight and die on the ground when the man in the whitehouse can push a button and erase any trace that our enemies even existed. If there is an attack on the US, I hope we go to the nuclear option immediately. I hope that millions of civilians are killed, either by the blast or by the radiation. I hope that the who country is irradiated for the next 400 years. I hope little Pakistani kids get birth defects from the radiation. I hope we spray the survivors with Agent Orange. I hope it stands as an example to the rest of the planet about what happens when you shed blood on American soil. It will not be war, it will be PEST CONTROL.

Fuck Baitullah Mehsud, fuck Pakistan, fuck Islam, fuck Mohammad, fuck the Taliban and fuck everyone who wants to attack the U.S.

I admit, the U.S. policy for the last eight years has been criminally insane, and I understand why some third world countries would be pissed that we have been using them as our personal toilet for the last 8 years. However, I do not think anything has been done to merit attack on the U.S. I do not think anything has been done, that we cannot repay. Right now we have 5,500 ICBMs with nuclear warheads on them. If Baitullah Mehsud carries out his attack, Pakistan should taste about half of them.

Rebel Flag Waving Retards Should be Castrated With Hammers

Posted in People, Society with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2009 by thingsthatreallypissmeoff

If you proudly own anything with a rebel flag on it, you are a douchebag. Every time I see someone wearing a hat with a rebel flag or that fucking retarded “tapout” bullshit, I am seriously tempted to punt them in the sack. The only thing dumber than seeing someone flying a rebel flag, is seeing the same person flying an American flag in the same place.

The hat of a retard

The hat of a retard

Rednecks are dumb, racists and bigoted against anyone who isn’t a redneck and proud of it. They’re aparentally not smart enough to realize that the American and Rebel flags are in conflict. The Rebel flag was flown by racist douchebags who wanted to leave the union. The American is a symbol of the union. Flying both makes no sense, it’s fucking retarded and makes whomever is flying the flags a dumb fuck.

If you fly the rebel flag, you should have your testicles smashed with a hammer and then fed to you. In the event you don’t have testicles, you should be fucked with a steak-knife.

Thank you.

End the Drug-War!

Posted in Legal, People, Politics, Society with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2009 by thingsthatreallypissmeoff

It’s fucking Vietnam all over again, the drug-war is fucking Vietnam! The U.S. isn’t winning and can’t win. It’s going to go on perpetually and be a huge drain on resources and cost a lot of lives. Billions wasted and thousands killed by black-market drug cartels all in an effort to keep some walmart janitor from going home, getting high and watching Family Guy reruns in his basement.

Lets imagine for a second that our hypothetical Walmart janitor gets arrested on drug charges. How much will it cost to arrest him? To appoint him a lawyer? To take him to court? To toss him in jail? To feed and cloth him for a few years? To appoint him a parole officer when he gets out? To repeat the process when he gets caught with pot again? While all of this is going on, how much does the border war cost? How much pain are black-martket drug cartels inflicting?

Our criminally-insane drug policy is killing people and wasting gobs of taxpayer money. All of this fucking retarded Ronald Reagan bullshit needs to end. I’m not sure if I love or hate Ronald Reagan. On one hand, his stupid fiscal and political ideas really fucked America over during the Bush Jr. years, but on the other hand Reagan inspired the shit ideas which ultimately destroyed the Republican party. Most people realize that increasing military spending and decreasing taxes doesn’t make any sense. The country is now being hit by the fallout of his fucking retarded bullshit idea that the deficit wouldn’t effect us.

Lawlz, I fucked j00r w0rld!

Lawlz, I fucked j00r w0rld!

I get a little sick when I hear conservatives say that they want Palin in office because she is like Ronald Reagan. Bush was like Reagan, look at what that did for the country.

The drug war, like most of Reagan’s initiatives, is stupid and must be stopped.


I’m a little pissed off at Obama for his stating that legalizing marijuana wouldn’t help the economy at all. Aside from saving us about $40 billion in costs for enforcing it’s illegality, if it were legal we could get $30 yearly in tax revenue from pot. How does a net gain of $70 billion yearly not help the economy? This is an example of the 10% bullshit Obama is. I still support him, and I still think he is infinitely better than Bush. Still, what the fuck Obama? Legalize pot already!

Even Joe Biden’s daughter is using cocaine, that should say something about the state of the drug war.

2012 End of the World Conspiracy Theorists are Fucking Stupid

Posted in People, Superstition with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2009 by thingsthatreallypissmeoff
If you believe that the world is going to end in 2012, you’re a fucking moron. These people generally come in two flavors.

1. Retards who think that because the Mayan calendar ends at 2012, that’s when the world will end. These are generally the retarded new-ageish people who think that Nostradamus and Edgar Cayce predicted the future and that spirits are grooving around in some sort of mystical swirl on earth. These are the sort of people who spend more time meditating and reading books on Wicca than actually doing anything worthwhile.

Here’s the real reason why the calendar stops at 2012

 Yep, that's about it.

Yep, that's about it.

Just to show how fucking retarded the Mayan calendar bullshit is, lets consider the logic going into it for a second. The Mayans, were mystical enough to predict the end of the world, but not mystical enough to predict the end of their own civilization? Seriously, then end of the world came for the Mayans about 500 years ago. Shouldn’t that have been their end of the world or at least merited a place on their doom calendar? If you think the Mayans predicted the end of the world, go drink some fucking cyanide flavored Kool-Aid.

2. Christian retards who picked up the Mayan end of the world myth and decided thats when Jesus will return to destroy the world. These people are just as dumb, but far more irritating. From what I can tell, Christians are people who believe that life begins after you die in a magical sky kingdom with a magical giant named Yahweh. These people think that there will be a huge war which will cause Yahweh’s sun to descend upon the earth and kill us all. They get a little bit horny every time they think about the massive bloody conflict which they hope will end they world. They are usually uneducated fucktards and are of the same ilk as the retards who think that we shouldn’t worry about our impact on the planet because Jesus will come back and take everyone away.

These people are a plague on the world.

“9/11 Truthers” are Cultist Morons

Posted in People, Politics, religion with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2009 by thingsthatreallypissmeoff
No plane, ur not a peepl, u cant be in teh towah
Torque generated by the impact would be more than enough to topple the tower.

Torque generated by the impact would be more than enough to topple the tower.

If you think that 9/11 was done by anyone other than a bunch of pissed off muslims, you are a retard. The 9/11 attack was broadcast live on television as it happened. The man who orchestrated the attacks sent out a video that basically amounted to him saying “Haha, I blew up your towers”. There were mountains of evidence that it was going to happen before it did, the incompetent neoconservative regime running America at the time just ignored it. An impact from a 7-47 jet liner is more than enough to destroy a building. 9/11 turthers are usually either neo-nazis, or fucking retarded inbred Ron Paul cultists.


I’ve heard three major arguments:


First: The U.S. government did it.

This is just stupid. I know that neocons are evil, however, I doubt they are smart enough to pull off what would be the largest deception in human history. If you think about the sheer number of people that would have to keep quiet, versus the instant fame and wealth these people would gain if they went to any major media outlet with their story, you can quickly see that it is impossible. If you want to argue that these people are being silenced by the government under penalty of death, that is also stupid because the sheer number of people the government would have to monitor would be impossibly large.


Second: The government let it happen.

This one is probably a lot closer to the truth. Neocons did let 9/11 happen, but it wasn’t for malicious reasons, it’s because they’re all fucking morons. Bush was briefed at his ranch that Al Quaeda was determined to attack the trade center with jetliners. He responded by saying “Ok you’ve covered your ass, you can leave now.” and sending the person who had briefed him away.


Third: Jews did it.

I usually hear this from neo-nazis and radical muslims. These people can be ignored on the grounds of foundational bias. Neo-nazis are not the a good source of information on Jews, neither are radical Muslims who would like to see all of them decapitated.